Today, I was thinking about my mom. I was thinking about her smile, her laugh, the way she would hug me when I was upset. Thinking about her, can often make me feel sad. However, recently, when I think of her, I will start to cry and I can feel her hugging me. I can hear her voice speaking with me when I am questioning something in my life. I have no idea how this really is possible. But, I know she is still with me and I am thankful.
I have learned so much from her passing away. I have learned that every day is one worth living. I have learned that every person I see deserves my full attention. No matter the circumstances of what is happening around me, this moment is it. You see, most people would not write this for everyone to see. Rather, they would keep it hidden in their heart. But, I truly want the memory of my mom to live on forever. And, because God made her a part of me, I know that I cannot be silent.
There is pain and there is suffering in this life. But, there is a greater good in its purpose. I used to be a young girl with so many concerns and anxiety over insignificant details. Yet, because of my mom living and passing away so quickly, I have learned that those concerns can wait. What really matters is the way light flashes in Chris's eye when he sees me, or the moments I spend with Chris's family so grateful for their love in my life, or spending time with my brother and his wife, or just the fact that I can live and breath with such ease and health. You may say that those things are trivial but, I say that they are what life is all about.
I know my mom still lives, I am sure of it. And, I know that God cares that I miss her. But, the deeper part of this whole experience is that I know in my pain and loss, I have learned of such joy in this life. My children will know her laugh and spirit because thankfully they are alive inside of me. They will know her passion and drive for bringing family together because they are inside of me. But, most of all, my children will know that no matter the pain in life, there is a greater God that uses it for his glory.
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