Learning to Obey

I have been around quite a few children in the past several weeks. This has helped me to experience an amazing revelation about God and how he sees us as his children. What I have witnessed in watching these children, is that they want to obey their parents. You can see it in their eyes. But, for a few seconds to possibly minutes they choose to rebel against their parents because there is a desire to do what they want to do that is greater than the desire to obey. However, what I have noted, is that when the parent is patient and states clearly and peacefully that they want the child to obey, they ultimately decide to do just that.

We often look at obeying God as this arduous task. We think it involves flashing lights and sparklers. But, the reality is that our hearts are inclined to obey God. We want to obey him. We do not really want to turn away. It is when we cannot see him as the gentle, loving God that wants the best for us that we choose our own path. God is so patient with us. He waits for us to make the right decision. And when we like a child choose to disobey, we end up affecting those around us in a negative way. But rather, when we choose to obey God, there is a positive result of this decision.

Watching a child learn to obey is delightful. Many parents loathe the idea of teaching their child to obey their commands. But, God does this with us all the time, and enjoys watching us choose. He gives us the choice to follow in his ways or to choose our own ways. And, he enjoys watching us choose him. Just like a parent that gives their child a big hug when they choose to obey, so does our God. It is not a chore to obey him but rather a privilege. When we obey him, we can enjoy all of the love he has to give. However unlike an angry, frustrated parent, when we disobey, he patiently waits for us to choose correctly.

I am in such awe of God and how he works. I am so thankful that he enjoys parenting me! Over the years, I have gone from rebellious to somewhat obedient and he has been patient every step of the way. I'm so grateful that he has placed a heart in me that wants to obey. And, I continue to pray that each day, I will hear him gently and peacefully, telling me to quietly come to him and obey. It is a joy to be his child and what a privilege to live life in his family.

God Gives as He Chooses

I have been reading the book of Matthew over the past month. So many of the passages really convict me and help me to change my life for the positive. But, most recently, I had what I like to call a lightbulb moment. I was reading a passage where Jesus shares a parable about several people that are idly hanging around town. The master of a vineyard tells these guys to get working. The first he tells in the morning. The second he tells in the afternoon, and the third, the day of work is almost over when he provokes him to work. At the end of the day, the master pays them all the same wages. And, to be expected, those that worked the whole day get pretty angry! However, the master states,

"Friend, I haven't been unfair. We agreed on the wage of a dollar, didn't we? So take it and go. I decided to give to the one who came last the same as you. Can't I do what I want with my own money? Are you going to get stingy because I am generous? Here it is again, the Great Reversal: many of the first ending up last, and the last first." Matthew 20: 13-16

It is so intriguing to me how the master responds. He questions the man on his judgement of his decision. He debates over the fact that those that come to the table late still get fed. So often, I can find myself in the place of judgement. I can think to myself, "why do they get the same reward, when they do not work as hard as me." But, here Jesus rebukes that train of thought. He challenges us to think that we cannot challenge his decisions to be generous with all that belongs to him because he is God.

As people that believe in Jesus, we need to embrace this passage in our lives. We need to not look to the left and right and determine who is greater and more deserving. We must not analyze talents, skills, qualities, and measure them according to our standards. God chooses to give as he sees fit. He is a generous God that decides when and how to give us what we need. It is when we start comparing what we have been given that we fall into a trap. Too often we want to see life through our eyes, but the reality is that God sees far beyond what we are capable. It is by faith that we must trust in his just decisions and move on from a place of judgement.

This passage is a challenging one. It slaps a lot of us in the face. When we are too concerned with us and how we get rewarded and how we are given gifts in talents, we began to use this to measure up to others. Rather than measure others, God is commanding us to let him choose and let him do the work with all of us. We must embrace that some he gives many talents and they may not have to work hard for them. We must embrace that he gives provision to people that may not work a day in their life. These are God's decisions and we must respect them.Let us not be like the man in the parable that questions God with judgement of others. Let us trust that he gives to us as he sees fit and we are so happy to receive it because we hardly deserve it!

Blogging is Graffiti

I saw a movie once that stated that blogging is "throwing permanent graffiti up on the wall of the internet." I found this quite intriguing and agree to some respect. I love this blog. This was not always the case. I used to feel ashamed that I had opinions or thoughts on things about God. I would feel like I should really delete what I wrote, someone is bound to disagree and get upset with me. But, over the past few months, I have realized that speaking the truth sometimes gets you into hot water. The reality is that hot water can be soothing or scorching depending on how you look at it.

When I write, I think about what God is showing me in life and try and share it. Sometimes, I see situations in life, especially in our church, that need some talking about. But, one thing is clear, I do love God's church, as imperfect as it may be. Also, I do believe that all people, even the "worst of us", are deserving of love and God's grace. When I named my blog, I thought of a verse in John where Jesus invites all people into heaven. That is what I firmly believe. However, at times, issues need to be addressed and the Bible needs to be taken seriously. I am in no means an expert on this, just someone that has a truth compass that needs to be pointing in the right direction. Therefore, I spray some truth graffiti up on this wall.

The words I write are important to me to share. And, I am sure some of you will agree with what I write and some won't. However, the most important thing I'm concerned with is getting my message straight. There are times I won't get it quite right, but I am sure with enough patience, I will eventually figure it out. So, I do love this blog. And, I believe that even if not a single person reads what I write, I get my thoughts out and into space where something can be done about them.

Our Time in Singapore Thus Far...

I figured it was about time to update you all on some of the things I learned here in Singapore for the past two months. First of all, I am so glad we came. There are times I am very sad and miss home. But, then, I am reminded of why we are here in the first place, God wants us to grow. And, I can see that happening in just two short months. The culture is very similar to Boston. People are always on the move, working hard to succeed, put on a good face, and attain the prize. As far as adjusting to a new country, Singapore is not that hard to get used to. However, this is where the challenge is for us. We could very easily slip back into the comfortable place we were in Boston. It is easy to get caught up in work, television, shopping, and going out. But, there is this pull from God to do things differently. We have adjusted to the strange foods, the long lines, and many people pushing you in various directions on the train. We have found grocery stores, movie theaters, and even a church to attend. And, yes, we can sleep through the construction going on around us now, no problem.

But, what about the deep stuff. What have we learned while being here? I think I can break it down in three simple things. Love for each other, love for God's church around the world, and love for people that do not know about God. This is what our life is focused on right now. We are so enjoying being with one another in a new way. We have grown closer to one another through our adjustments, including the idea of our little baby coming along. We have had occasional dates, and I can say I enjoy sitting in the office with Chris when he has late night conference calls. Because of the church we have started to attend, we have also been able to grow closer to God. The sermons are powerful and they have called us to repentance and radically changed our thinking about our love for God. We have met people that have embraced us and helped us to feel at home so quickly. In the first meeting with our community group, I was given profound prophesy over my life here in Singapore, and the men and women prayed earnestly for each of us and our baby. It is amazing to see God answer my prayers for a community that truly loves one another and God above all else. It is refreshing to be part of God's church and to know that he takes care of us no matter what country we are in. And, finally, God has burned in our hearts how important it is to share him with others. There is such joy in knowing that people who don't know God will through us. We are excited to see what will happen when this is shared with people here in Asia. There is so much more in store for our evangelism opportunities and we are excited to see what will come of it.

So, I encourage you, if you are given an opportunity for advancing your work life, think about what it could do for your spiritual life. Never respond immediately without listening to what God has to say. Some people may have thought we just moved so that Chris could advance his career. But, in this move, we are learning more about God than we ever thought possible. There is so much that God can do with us when we are obedient to him. And, I'm excited to see what the next year here in Singapore will bring.

Be uncomfortable without seeking reward

On my walk today, I began thinking about how much I hate being uncomfortable. It starts with a simple spill of coffee on my pants, or pouring sweat as I am walking, and extends to having awkward conversations with people, and having people try and hug me that don't even know me. I don't like to be uncomfortable. I'd much rather have things my way. When things go wrong, or not according to my plan, stress arises and I become the wicked witch of the West.

During my walk, God challenged me to think about the idea that it is during uncomfortable seasons in our lives that we grow into people that are willing to take risks, to step outside the box of American life, and live the lives God imagines for us. Now, this does not mean that by being uncomfortable we will be rewarded. Actually, there may never be a reward in this life for being uncomfortable. People may try to sell you on rewards, even Christian people. "If you move to a dangerous country and share the gospel, you will be rewarded." No, you will just be rewarded with praise in this life. But, when you truly make yourself vulnerable to God and his plans for your life, then you will know what it is like to follow the life of Jesus. And, my friends, we all know how that turned out. He was crucified. So, when I think uncomfortable, it means for the long haul without earthly rewards.

In the Bible, we see reflections of this idea. Paul is never concerned with his safety or comfort. He is never thinking about when he will get his next meal. His heart is steadfast on sharing who Jesus is with as many people as he can. Usher in the New Testament of the Bible. We could look at his life and sadly think, if I do great things for God, then will I be rewarded and have books written by me and about me and my love for God. But, we are deceived in thinking that is the main point of our lives a Christians. Even if we do not do a single thing worthy of human praise, God knows the state of our hearts. He knows when we choose to live in a smaller house to donate more, he knows when we refused to work a second job so we can spend time teaching our children, he knows our hearts. He knows when we push the envelop of comfort. We can talk a big game about what we do for Jesus but he really knows.

Today, my heart was moved for a young boy in a wheelchair. He was using sensory inputs to comfort himself and I wanted to just lay my hands on him and make him better. But, I didn't. Not because I was afraid. But, because it would have been uncomfortable. I acknowledged this to God. He didn't respond by condemning me, making me feel like I did it again, didn't put others before myself. No, in that moment of confession to God, I sensed encouragement from him. He spoke to me saying, "You had compassion, you are beginning to get it." You see, we live with God in a process of growth. No matter what other Christians tell you, there is no Christian that gets first prize. If they live in a Muslim country, sell all their possessions, see a hundred people saved in an afternoon, they are not rewarded. Don't be deceived by their talk. God cares about what is going on in your heart and loves to change it even delights in it.

My friends, the reward in life is being close to God. You cannot do amazing things without God. And, if you wake up thinking you want to do amazing things for God, you are sadly misinformed. God cares about your development as a person in love with him. Good things will flow out of you for which you can either choose to focus on worldly or heavenly reward. There are no gold star stickers with God. The person that prays for the boy in the wheelchair is no better than the person that wants to reach out to him. There is a process going on in each person. And, who are we to judge that process!

I encourage you to find out where you are with God. Are you content in your life? Are you thinking you are better than another Christian? Are you seeking praises from men and acknowledgement of your talents and skills? Think about where your heart is at. Ask to be made uncomfortable. There is so much joy when we admit we need God. There is peace when we realize our own efforts cannot reap rewards. And, for all of you seeking a reward...even one in heaven... I would flip to Philippians 2 and be reminded of Jesus' obedience on the cross. Never once was his mind focus on rewards.

The Reason for the Season

As the holidays approach, my heart is filled with joy. There is joy in knowing that I will see family and friends. There is joy in knowing that I am carrying a new little member of our family in my growing belly. But, most of all, when Christmas approaches, I am reminded of why I even celebrate it! If you are not a Christian, celebrating Christmas is kind of silly. I have to tell you. You may say to me, "well its a good time to spend with family and friends, and to show love." But, really that isn't true. I'm sorry. If you are a Christian, Christmas is not just a time to get cozy with those you love. You see, as a Christian, Christmas is a reminder of what our faith is all about. On Christmas, we celebrate Jesus' birth. We celebrate that we believe he came to earth for us. So, that one day, everyone that believes in him and follows his ways, will be reunited in a family party in heaven. There is joy this Christmas if your family is Christian. It is a mini heavenly celebration when you get together. But, there is some sadness if you family is not Christian. However, today is a chance to think about why you even celebrate Christmas. I know some of you get overwhelmed buying presents, going to holiday parties, even trying to get together with family. There is a reason why you feel that way. It is because that is not the point of Christmas! And, folks, I'm not really one to knock Christmas. I really do love the tree, giving presents, sharing good food. But, maybe a little too much! You see, if we forget what Jesus' birth means for us, then we miss out on true joy! There is true joy knowing that Christmas ushered in the birth of Jesus. We can continue to deny its truth or we can embrace it as reality.

If you are Christian, and you are getting excited to plan your party, or thinking about what to buy your sister for a present, I encourage you to think deeper about the holiday. Ask God, what do I really believe? Ask God to show you the true joy in the season. Don't buy the gimmicks at Starbucks. Don't buy the idea of doing something kind for someone just because its the holidays. Remember who Jesus is and be confident in what he did for you by coming to live on this earth! And, go out, and tell someone else! Love them with a genuine heart. Don't fake it. Don't fake joy, get it from God.

If you are not a Christian, I ask you to consider Jesus. I ask you to think about why you don't believe in him. Is it because silly people like me are always trying to get you to believe? Or is it because you have too much hurt to actually believe a God cares for you? Whatever the reason, now is the time to question why? Don't let another holiday season pass you by without considering what Jesus is all about. Pick up a tattered Bible, or access it on your iPhone. Read the story of Jesus' birth. Contemplate who he really is. And, ask God for his joy to fill you during this season.

Let us not fill our glasses, and drawers with presents this season without acknowledging what Christmas really means. It is a religious holiday for good reason. Embrace who God is on this day whether in a new perspective, or with brand news eyes. He is a good God. He really does bring joy whether it is Christmas or any ordinary day of the week. And, because of his birth, we can rejoice knowing that the God we believe in stepped down from heaven and was born a tiny little baby, so that we could have fullness of joy for all days.

My Anger Management Problem

Have you ever wanted to sucker punch someone? This question may present itself as somewhat odd on a Christian blog. But, I'm sure you have had the feeling. For me, I have noticed that this tendency arises when I am sitting with a braggart, a prideful fool, a person that will tell you everything about everything they have ever done, and then ask, "how are you?" My mind races, my heart beats fast, my fist starting to curl up into a ball. Then, I hear this tiny voice. Tiny. It is soft and says, "forgive them, for they know not what they do." I sit there arguing for a minute with the voice. But, they are so conceited, they never stop talking, I want to show them what they are really made of. The voice again starts to get louder and says, "love one another."

This battle goes on for me, thankfully not daily, but on a few occasions. I have seen a change in my reaction. When I was young, I didn't hear the voice. I actually think I punched a few people. Yeh, its true. When I started to hear the voice, I ignored it, and gave my too much needed cents. Usually, this resulted in a loss of friendship or a really awkward situation. However, recently, I have noted that when I have the urge to punch, the voice is so much louder than it has been in the past. And not only can I hear the voice, but I can see the face of the person changing. I can see their hurt, their abandonment, their need to be noticed. I'm still not at the point where I can say anything to encourage them. But, I can feel my hands uncurl, my heart go soft, and actually, begin to listen behind their words.

I hear a voice. But, I'm not schizophrenic. I'm sure of it. This voice is the one of the Holy Spirit. The third part of God. Don't ask me to explain the Trinity because I have no clue how it works and I don't think we are supposed to get it. But, this part of God helps you. The voice of the Holy Spirit helps to transform the person you once were into the person you are to become. It is a relief when you hear this voice. You can guarantee that your reaction to circumstances will be much more favorable than if you didn't hear the voice. We can thank God for the Holy Spirit because this voice is the one that helps you to love and forgive without your own effort.

Today, I am thankful to report that I haven't punched anyone is several years. My anger management class has taken up shop with the Holy Spirit and I am far from graduation but, closer to success than before. The Holy Spirit helps us to function in this life out of love. We can be thankful when we love from a genuine heart because we know it is the Holy Spirit's work.

You all want to sucker punch people. You all want to get the best for yourself. You want it your way or the highway. It is when you recognize this that you are evoking the Holy Spirit's presence in your life. Recognizing that you cannot love without the help of the third party of God is the first step to growing closer to God. The Holy Spirit is what helps us control our human desires and wants and puts us back in place in line with Jesus. We do not need to perfect. We do not need to pretend we love everyone. We don't. But, God does, and he will help us with the Holy Spirit to love those we find unloveable. Amen!

Are you content living in Slop?

This morning I was doing a lot of thinking and talking with Chris about church. I tend to do this a lot so it wasn't really much of a surprise. However, as I was talking I learned a lot about what I see as an ideal church. I firmly believe that God sent us here to Singapore to show us what church really should be about. He plucked us out of our routines and familiarity and brought us into new territory. Even before we left, I really felt like God was confirming that he was sending us so that we could grow and learn from people here. And, it is happening. We have been part of a church here in a much more relaxed style than ever before. We meet up with some people on Thursday nights, and attend church on Sundays. However, it is different. We are not going because we have to, we are going because we want to. The people we have met are so different from us yet, their love for Jesus is what unites us. They invite us to workout sessions, dinner, coffee, and bonding times. It feels real. It feels like they really want to get to know us and love us. It feels like the beginnings of good relationships. Things are different here. Church is not about a service on Sunday, or who is saved and who isn't, and who is falling away and who isn't, or what ministry opportunities are present. Church here is about growth. Growth in love for others and growth in our relationship with God.

Going back home, it is clear we have changed. It is clear that our ideas of church have shifted. I write today praying that our churches in America will reflect what I have seen here. It is sad for me to think about how so often we are too busy ticking off our to-do list that we forget about how important the people in our churches are. We are so busy planning the next big event that we forget about the daily events going on in the hearts of people around us. If we call ourselves Christians, we should be following Christ. I'm guilty of pushing my own way in this world. But, being in Singapore has shown me that it is time to stop. Really, who cares if the clothes aren't folded, and my run isn't done, if I have not given up a moment for someone that really needs me.

Stop and think today. Are you wasting your life? Are you just going through the motions of church to check it off the list? If you are, I give you a fair warning today. There is so much more God wants us to live for. He wants our homes to always be filled, our hearts always willing to offer a prayer, food ready to be given away. Jobs, money, cares in this life will come and go. But, God's church stands to be a light not a distraction from Jesus. Church is not about doing what is right or good. It is about living out the Bible together. If we miss this point, we miss what we are doing living and breathing here on earth. Let us learn to put our necks out for one another. Let us learn to really serve one another. Not just push in a chair, or make it look like we really care about one another when we could really give a crap.

I'm being harsh about this because I am speaking the truth. And, it is a harsh reality that we spend way too much time on ourselves as Americans. But, that is why the gospel and Jesus' message is hard to swallow. He wants us to stop living for ourselves and live for those around us. We need to pull together not grow further apart. Please stand with me in this. Don't brush my words aside because you are a content pig living in slop. God wants more from us and for us in our churches. And, if you don't believe, come to Singapore. You will see a difference in how the church operates. But, if you want to continue living in slop, go ahead, but know time is running out on your life clock.

Love and Loss

We all know the quote, "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." I started to think about grief and loss today. I realized that not many people really experience the loss of someone that is deeply close to them until much later on in life. For most people, life takes its normal course. We grow and age and first lose our grandparents and then lose our parents and then well, you know where this is going without me being exceptionally morbid. Sure, we may lose a close friend, or a dearly loved neighbor, but, a parent or guardian at a young age, or a child, not many people can claim that experience. Those that have can understand the above quote to the core of it.

Love is a precious gift that is given without reservation. There are many flaws to love and no form of love is perfect. Yet, without it, we are unable to live a life that is significant. When we lose someone we truly love, there is this feeling in the pit of the heart that will never be filled. There are moments we are caught by surprise at how much we miss that person. There is an ache, and tears that do not stop flowing. But, then, in the revelation that this person is no longer there, something happens. A realization that you loved someone so much that you feel so empty without them. This is why love is the greatest gift. It transcends life and death. Love is a feeling that is not capable of being explained. It is given to us and we can be thankful even if there is loss.

When I was young, I was always afraid of losing those that I loved. Not sure where I developed this fear. My childhood was stable, minus the extended relatives that decided to take a hitch hike because they couldn't deal. But, mostly stable. Fear of loss troubled me at night. I remember thinking of how sad it would be to lose my mom or dad, grandmother. I would stay awake thinking of it. Yet, when it actually happened, I learned a valuable lesson. There is no fear in loss. Loss is what reminds us that we are capable of loving. You see, if we go about our lives expecting everything to turn out just the way we want, when loss strikes, we are found in utter despair. But, when we live, knowing that our moments are few, our love for others has a chance to deepen into something that only proves itself after the person is gone.

I am not really the crying type. But, I will tell you, that when you lose someone so close you can still hear their voice inside your head, the tears will flow. These tears come at times when you let down your guard. And, it is in that moment that you can sense that love is real. There is no explanation why some people never lose a loved one until they are aged and why others lose them far too soon. There is no explanation in why life deals the cards it does. But, when you are sitting alone, remembering the laughter and the joy of that person, it becomes apparent that love is universal. No matter if you are young or old losing a special person reminds you that loving is what makes us feel alive.

If you have lost someone, I do not offer a pat on the back or a tissue, I offer you a moment, a moment to cry, to honor that person. I offer you a moment to appreciate the fact that you opened yourself to love. And, I offer you the joy of knowing that loving is what your life is all about. Do not fear loss, do not let it master you. Sure enough, a day will come, when you will see that person again, after a long embrace, the love will be left, and the loss will disappear.

Mission Statements???

What is a mission statement? Francis Pandolfi writes on the Harvard Business Review Blog Network that " An effective mission statement must be a clear description of where an organization is headed in the future that distinctly sets it apart from other entities making a compelling case for the need it fills." Now, in my mind, the church is the greatest nonprofit organization out there, designed by God to glorify him. Do our mission statements align with God's plan for salvation of his people in all the world, healing them of disease, and sickness as implied in the Great Commission?

Too often we slap mission statements together because they sound appealing to us. They are slogans that we think are related to what the word of God says but, really they have no organized plan for what will be accomplished in our church. Jesus gave us a Gold Standard mission statement that should be the mission statement of every church in the world. The Great Commission is the mission of God's church. We can try and write awesome mission statements about serving the nations, reaching the poor, growing spiritually. But, the reality is that those mission statements are all founded in human reason and expression. Rather, the Great Commission is Jesus' word, God's word, for where our churches should be headed. Pure, simple, and definitely compelling. When you read his words, you know what to do. There is no use messing around with a bunch of words, when Jesus wrote the mission statement for us.

If we lived out the Great Commission, I think our churches would be healthy, thriving, and wonderful places. Jesus is the CEO of the church business. He holds the pen in his hand and signs the documents. When we start adding to what he said, we get into muddy water that effects those that join us. Churches should not need committees to decide what direction they need to go in, the Holy Spirit already gave us instruction in the Bible. If you are a Christian, attend a church, look at your mission statement. Please pray that you see hints of the Great Commission. Not just a mention of it, but actually stated as the founding reason for the progression of the church. Here is what Jesus' mission statement says and it should be the one that our churches follow.

"Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation. ¹⁶ Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. ¹⁷And these signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; ¹⁸ they will pick up serpents with their hands; and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover." Mark 16

Transformation

This morning I feel encouraged. God has been showing me that we do not have to do things in life in our own strength. I can remember running in 4 marathons and the whole time thinking that if I can just push a little harder, breathe a little deeper, mentally engage, I would make it. Basically, it was all about me, and my willpower. Running marathons for me was about what I could accomplish in my own strength. How silly is that? How silly is it for Christian to think that they can do it on their own? When it comes to marathons, sports, work, even being a good wife, friend, and soon to be mother, I think about what I can do to be better.

Today, God stopped me dead in my tracks. I used to fight wanting to be pregnant. Mostly, because I was afraid. I was afraid of my appearance changing, I was afraid of child birth, I was afraid I would lose the connection I have with my husband. Today, I realized how much God has transformed me and my way of thinking. I also think he used those marathons to show me, I cannot do it on my own. No matter how hard I try I will fail. You see, when you carry a child inside of you, you realize, how is this happening?! I am doing nothing to make my child grow. Sure, I eat well, I exercise. But, these things to do cause my child to grow. And, even if you do not believe there is a God, you have to consider it when you are pregnant. When you see your little baby on the screen, you see fingers and toes and a cute little nose that wasn't there before, and you realize, I did nothing to deserve this. And, it hits you, there is a God, there is a God that loves me so much, he gave me this little person as a gift, an amazing life changing gift! I write with tears in my eyes, because I am so thankful. So, thankful that a God has created a life in me, and that he is changing me through the process. No amount of striving, no sprint training, no race training, no diets, can do what is happening to me. There is no amount of work, or childbirth classes, or breathing techniques, that can get me through the process of delivering this baby in the world. It is the strength from a God that loves me.

I have no fear. I have no expectations. All I know is that being pregnant for me is about a lifetime of surrender to my own efforts and expectations. God not only wanted to bring our beautiful baby in the world, he wanted to change me from a scared child to a brave mother. The process is going well. He is making space in my heart to let him do what he needs to. And, I am so grateful that I have to give up striving to look skinny, fearing the unknown, and fearing being alone. It is amazing to think I am giving birth here in Singapore, away from family, and friends. It is another reminder that God is sufficient. Even though the toughest thing about being pregnant is missing my mom to share the experience, God has brought me here to remind me that I can relay on him. I can trust that he will love me enough, he will show me what to do, and he will make me strong.

I am excited for the next 5 months. I believe God is going to continue to work out fear in my life and replace it with strength. I am confident that all the striving I like to do will disappear as mist. All the sadness I have without family, friends, and my mom will be wiped away. He is a great God. One that cares, one that always loves, and one that can provide more support than babycenter.com, and some expert on childbirth. God designed this process and me for the process, and he is with me in it. I am so thankful that one day when my child asks, how did you like being pregnant, I can tell him/her that it was the most wonderful, life changing experience in my life. Being pregnant is amazing. It is what I was made for. And, every moment leading up to me having this child, has pointed me to the direction that only God can give me what I need. Only God can create a healthy beautiful baby. And, only God can give me the strength to bring this baby into the world.

Our Inheritance

I have been spending more time reading my Bible lately. And, its really refreshing. I've been learning so much. One thing that I am actually a bit embarrassed that I never really understood was that when Jesus died on the cross his will or inheritance became ours. This seems like a simple point for most Christians. But, the reality of this hit me yesterday. It means that when Jesus died he gave me everything in his will and testament. It is like when a relative dies and all of sudden you have money or rings or things that you didn't expect to have. With Jesus, that means that I have forgiveness, acceptance, healing, goodness, love, all things that are good. I cannot believe that. I'm given it period. There is no bargaining, there is no asking. It is given to me. Isn't that incredible? It was something I never understood. I would think that I would have to pray really hard for healing or for forgiveness. But, the reality is that it is here and now. I just have to walk in it. I can claim these things for my life. I can claim health, health of my children and family, freedom from sinning, forgiveness for my wrongs and those wrongs against me. These things belong to me because of God. These things belong to you because of God.

So, if you feel like you have been waiting for these things. Wait no longer. They are yours, promised by Jesus. Do not be afraid to walk in them. They belong to you because they have been given to you. When you pray for healing, believe that it needs to be claimed. It you are struggling to forgive, claim it in Jesus' name. You see, God is a generous Father. He is not sitting in heaven deciding who to give goodness to. No, he has given it to all who believe in Jesus. It belongs to you. It is your choice to use it or store it.

Discouragement is Slavery

Let's talk about discouragement. It is my favorite place to wallow. I find myself there all too often. But, by God's grace, I have been given a husband that is very rarely discouraged. So, the result of this is that I have grown to be less discouraged over things in the last five years. For that, I am so thankful! But, it is my sin. It is the place I go and decide to go forgetting the gospel and abandoning the ways of the word of God in the Bible. But, it is very clear that being discouraged is really not a place to be. It is actually a place that needs some rebuking.

I can get discouraged over lots of things. This weekend we had a bug in our house. And, when I say bug, I mean think Alien. Nasty stuff. Funny, though, I actually never saw it. Because again, my husband, is amazing. He trapped it and expelled it from our house. But, let me tell you, that discouraged me. I love my kitchen. It is the place I love to be. There is a fresh breeze that blows in from the window. You can look out and see the sun setting. It is an amazing place. And, in one instant, I let discouragement take hold of me. We have traps, we have this really neat insect mist that sprays every minute. It will be ok. But, do you think I have made my way into the kitchen. No. And, for that I am repentant.

Discouragement comes in many forms. It can be the voice inside your head that tells you that you failed at a task, that tells you things won't work out the way they should. Discouragement can look like depression. It can look like the joy has been sucked right out of you. But, you do not have to be a slave to discouragement. You see, Jesus came and wiped away our slavery. We can now embrace the fact that Jesus died on a cross, with people screaming insults, beaten and bruised, and did not give in to discouragement. I'm swallowing that. Jesus suffocated to death and was not discouraged. And, why? Because he had in mind God's plan. God's plan for love for all people, that includes you and me, and your neighbor, and people here in Singapore, and in New Hampshire, and Boston, all around the world.

When we fix our eyes on what Jesus did on the cross, how can we be discouraged? I think the best way to remain encouraged is to read the Bible daily. Not in a "have to" way but in a I really need to way. Whenever I read the Bible, I walk away encouraged. So, when I feel discouraged, I often think, hmm, must not have read my Bible enough. God's promises in the Bible remind us that he is always with us, he loves us, he has good plans, he is a great, mighty, victorious God that never fails. A pity party, I think not.

Let us rejoice. Rejoice in the Lord always. For today, is all we have. Discouragement has no place in our hearts, in our minds, and in our souls. No matter our circumstance, God is bigger. No matter that state of our hearts, God is bigger than our hearts. So, if you are anything like me, and find yourself easily discouraged, sit and try and listen to God. Read his words in the Bible and find out the truth. He has set us free. We no longer have to believe lies and find yourself tempted to think the world has better things to offer us when it comes to comfort, security and affirmation. We can be encouraged today knowing that God sustains us always and in all things.

Rejoice in the Lord always, AGAIN, I say, REJOICE! Philippians 4:4

Crazy Love? Or Crazy?

I've been reading this book Crazy Love, by Francis Chan. We were introduced to it at the church we are going to and have a book study on it tonight. I enjoy it. Some of the chapters include, "stop praying, and "forget about God's will for your life." When I first started reading it, I thought, wow this guy is saying what I have been thinking about the American church for the past year. But, then, as I explored my heart more, I realized that God was convicting me and hopefully Mr. Chan, of too much criticizing. You see, as I was reading, I realized what good is it if we just get in one camp or the other. What good is it if we gang up on all the people that aren't loving God purely, aren't being genuine about their faith, etc. Isn't that the same as a Pharisee. In no way am I against his book, I actually really like it! But, it made me think about my attitude and what I say about church. You see, most people that are going to church genuinely want to know God. Sure, they may be checking a box when they go, or may think it brings them special powers for the week, but they go! And, when we go to meet God at church, that means he can work on us! And, I rejoice for that! So, I guess the point I'm trying to make in all of this is that yes, the American church as flaws. Yes, we are not living with God in mind all the time, but that is why Jesus dying on a cross and being so gracious too us is all that more powerful. If we spend time judging others on if they are lukewarm, we miss the point. At any given moment, we forget about God. It is our nature. We cannot will it to be better. We cannot force ourselves to love God more. Its just not biblical. So, if we get up on a soap box, which I am guilty of doing many times, and blame others for their lack of fervor, we are committing an injustice towards our brothers and sisters. Instead of telling people to love God more passionately, shouldn't we show them? And, that is where I conclude. Neither Francis Chan, or the lukewarm Christians have it right. I sure as heck don't. But, the reality is that we have to prayerfully ask God for more love in our hearts to actually show others what it looks like. Maybe this is the point of Crazy Love. But, the reality is the less talking and more doing, I think the better off we will be. And, with that said, I'm done writing ;)

I want to be good!

Why do we spend so much time trying to be good Christians? I grew up thinking that I had to do the right things or else something bad would happen to me. If I swore, I was surely going to get a horrible disease. And, I chose to think of others in this light. Well, they must have done something wrong to deserve a life like that! But, then, I started to read what God had to say about it all, in the Bible. I began to realize that he does see good and he does see evil. But, when we say that we love him, he no longer sees the bad, he only sees the good. So, my point remains, why do we keep trying to be good, if we already are!

The problem with trying to be good is that we inadvertently use a measuring stick for those around us. We start looking at others thinking, wow they are really living up to God's standards when they do cool things like share the gospel with someone, go on a mission trip, or serve the homeless. We also then look at others and think, well, I'm not as bad as they are, I mean they always give their opinion and argue with people in public, I'm so much more self controlled. These measures are what destroy our progress in God's plan. We become worriers, control freaks, busybodies, jealous, and prideful. We lose sight of the intent behind God making us followers of him.

The joy I find behind believing the gospel is that God no longer sees his followers as bad. When we sin, sure he sees it, but he has already forgiven it! When he sees good works, he gives himself a pat on the back because he made us do it. There is so much freedom knowing that my sister Joan is valued just as much as I am. There is nothing that she does that splits her relationship with God as true of my relationship with him. And, my brother John, who just became a Christian, and is struggling to get out of his relationship with drugs, and sometimes fails, is seen in the same light as me... the light of Jesus.

There is no golden hero Christian. We are all the same. We have been justified by Jesus on the cross. Our sins are taken away. And, God can see straight through us. So, when you put the coin in the basket, don't look to your right and left and see what everyone else is doing. God knows. Don't think you can add a single thing to God by doing all the right things. He actually doesn't care about that. He cares about what is going on inside your heart. He cares about your attitude towards him and others. There is a battle that rages on inside of us to be good. It is a desire that is flamed by the truth of wanting to know God. If you desire to be good, it is because you truly desire to know more about God.

Step away from the measuring stick. Let go of the word good and replace it with JUSTIFIED, MADE RIGHTEOUS. No work of art is as perfect as the one that God does inside our hearts. He looks at us and sees a masterpiece. He does not see broken bits, loose ends, and strings. No, he sees a perfect work of art on display for all to see. And, we ought to think of each other in that light. No matter what we look like on the outside, there is a major work happening on the inside. We should acknowledge that taking place in each person that follows Jesus and love them for it.

Whom do you prefer?

Do you prefer others? The Bible teaches us that we are to look to others with preference. Romans 12 is where I get this information. What a difficult challenge you may think? How do I actually prefer those around me over myself? Well, the answer is by God's grace. We cannot wake up and think, man, I am really going to love people today. I am going to try super hard to love that person that always talks about themselves today. Oh, and in Bible study, I am going to say only kind words to others. Yep, that's what I will do today. It doesn't work that way my friends. Preference for others, comes from God.

When we read Romans 12, we can be hit with a deluge of thoughts like, I should be better at this. But, there is an amazing verse included in this section that spells it out for us. Hold on to this friends.

"Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him." Romans 12:3 (MSG)

We do not add anything to God when we act good to others. Actually, we distract others from the true God. It is only when we allow God to act through us that we fulfill his plan. It is hard for us to understand because we do not think like God. So, if you find yourself struggling with these verses, you should! God's grace is something we cannot understand fully.

But, how do we apply this to life? How do we go on living and preferring others? I think the answer is by spending time with God each day, hearing what he has to say. We do not have to plead with God to help us love. He will do it. We just need to give him attention. We need to let him do work in us. If you find yourself having trouble loving, sit, listen to God. He will show you something about yourself that needs work and that he is planning on fixing. Sometimes, he will ask you to do something about it, like give a cloak to your enemy, or he may just make you aware of it. But, try not to try to love. Its like a horrible romantic comedy where two people force themselves into a relationship so that they can have a happy ending.

To prefer can also mean to put forward or present. That is what I suggest we do. Present those that we need to love to God. Explain how we feel about them and listen to God as he changes our heart towards them. Preferring requires submission. We must submit ourselves to God's grace and let him change the things he needs to and renew our hearts.

Do not be discouraged when you find it hard to love. Rather, relay on God and his power to help you. You do not add a single thing to God by being a good person. Therefore, give it up, and let God do the work of love, its his main occupation.

Identity Lost in Competitiveness

I should be sleeping but, I cannot. Not because of jet lag or anything of the sort. But, because I woke up thinking and praying for my sister-in-law Sarah. She completed a marathon yesterday after many months of hard training. It seems as if things were going as planned and then she developed plantar fasciitis. But, she did not let that stop her, she ended up running a personal record. And, for that, I sit, awake rejoicing, thanking God, and so happy for her.

If I was living by the world's standards, my reaction could be quite different. You see, we are told to compete with others, we are told that people are obstacles that we must overcome. We stop looking at the people around us as people to love, cherish, embrace, and we see them just as an opponent. While running with Sarah this winter, I learned that people are so much more than that. I also learned that competitiveness stems out of not knowing your identity in Jesus. When we know that we belong to Jesus, we love others. We do not try and beat them. But, rather we come beside them, encourage them, and run the race with them.

I am so happy this morning. I happy that Sarah is happy. I know how much she wanted to do well, maybe for the wrong reasons ;) but, I know her heart. I know that it may be imperfect, but she trained and worked hard so that she could finish well. And, I love her for that. That is how God looks at us. He is happy when he looks down at us trying to run with perseverance this life set before us. He knows that sometimes our motives are out of whack, but he loves us anyway. God is so gracious to us. But, because we see as the world sees, sometimes we miss that.

So, I want to encourage you, to see yourself as workmanship of God that isn't completed yet, but well on its way to being something marvelous. Don't fall into the trap that you are made of junk. When you do, you will end up sad, competitive, and lonely. None of those things are what God wants for you life. Rather, look to him for love and support. He will show you that you are much more than a medal or a prize. Most of all, ask him to help you love people. I am so thankful for the way that God has moved in my relationship with Sarah. Instead of competing with one another, we have found a way to love and support one another. This is only an act of God. And, because of that I sit up rejoicing, and praising God for what he has done for her! That my friends is true joy in this life.

Find your identity in God. Stop believing the lies you have been told. Embrace the truth that God loves you, works on you, and is never finished making you who he wants you to be...

My Vegan/Vegetarian Experiment

I have truly been considering eating a vegan diet. Since coming from Boston to Singapore, I have started to eat vegetarian. As you know, I am pregnant. So, I have been tracking my daily intake of vitamins, minerals, and nutrients on an application on my iPhone. I have noted that my fat, cholesterol levels have gone down, B vitamins, calcium, and vitamin A, K, C have been going up. So, I started thinking, maybe this is the right direction to lean towards. Now, I am highly influenced by the fact that in most food courts you will find headless chickens and raw fish heads displayed for all to see. Combine that with some morning sickness and you have a recipe for vegetarian eating. But, maybe this truly is the way for us to be healthier.

So, what I will do is post some of my recipes. Hopefully, some with a little Asian flare, and let you know how they taste (with the help of Chris), their nutritional profile, and how I'm feeling. Then, you can try them... Sounds like fun to me! Hope you join in!

Church Hunting or is it Church Culting?

The quest begins on finding a church that we can be a part of while here in Singapore. We attended two churches when we visited in July-August. The first one was very large and did not feel personal. The second was a church plant. And, since we were part of that in Boston, we are unsure if its the best fit.

When thinking about our decision, I feel prompted by the thought that finding a church isn't really how I should be looking at this. You see, saying that I want to find a church implies that there is an urgency in doing things the way other do them. Now, I think that being part of a church is the supreme way to experience God's love for all creation, but saying I go to church does not mean that I am superior to someone that is still searching to find the right fit for church for their family.

There is too much judgement in Christian circles today. People will mention to others that if they are not attending Sunday services, going to Bible study, and serving on a team of sorts that are not fulfilling their religious lives. That is just not right. You see, the church in the Bible is not one with organizational structures for everything from the way people say hello to one another, to the time worship starts and ends, to what captivating topic will be discussed. Actually, church in the Bible is much more fluid than that. People would attend for hours, praying, singing, listening to encouragement from men that witnessed first hand the works of Jesus.

No wonder why so many people stop going to church nowadays! It is nothing like that! Really, I mean, we have a time when things start, the poor kids are carted off to their "special" learning session with snacks, and then the parents learn separately from their kids, and eventually about forty five minutes to one hour later the family is reunited to go home and live separate lives. Not really what I'm thinking the Bible says about church. So forgive me for being so blunt, but when you challenge someone that isn't "committed" to a church you might want to ask them why! Mostly, it has something to do with the way your church differs from the Bible!

We need to do a better job as God's church on earth. We really have to examine our priorities. If we just think church fits in a slot in our lives we are sadly mistaken. Church is our lives. Church is God here on earth. And, if we just think we need to attend a church because its the right thing to do, we shouldn't even enter the door. If you are starting a church, you need to think less about how to impact the people around you and more about the truth of Jesus, the gospel, and his love to save people. Too often we see church as a social justice ministry on happy pills. That is quackery! The church is a place to meet God, learn who God is, and to be transformed by him to love others. If you leave church and you do not feel yourself loving more, something is wrong.

If you are not a Christian, I sincerely apologize for what church looks like to you. But, please give it a chance. We are all imperfect. And, things take time to look the way God wants them to. You do not need to attend church to feel good, you do not need to attend church to make things right with God, you do not need to attend church for any reason other than to know God more. When people that love God get together, there is a connection that is found that does not exist anywhere else. It is a place where God reconciles everyone to him and you realize that you need him to help you love. If that doesn't happen when you enter a church, I would say don't go, keep searching. I know people are raising their arms at me right now, being like, "Danielle don't endorse church hopping." But, I'm sticking my tongue out at them. Do it. Don't settle for a place that doesn't put God in his right place, on the throne of our lives.

So our search will go on here in Singapore. And, we will find a place that honors Jesus above all programs, above all ministries, above all things. We will not settle just to let others know we are still going to church. We will learn many things about God through this process. And, I tell you one thing, I will not do something just because I am supposed to. Ask my dad....my brother...they know I like to rebel! And, for that I am thankful. If we don't question why, we will never learn anything!

What are you made of?

Chris and I have arrived for our Singaporean adventure. Glamorous you may think, but I think it will be a challenge well worth it. Word of advice, if you are married and travel over 20 hours to get some place, you will experience turbulence. The key is to avoid pretending it is not happening and to embrace the other rugged side of your spouse. You see, traveling is a chance to learn patience, trust, and joy in the little things. Chris and I are approaching one month without an apartment to call our own. It is tough to be living out of suitcases and wondering where you can do your next set of laundry. But, at the same time, Jesus did call his disciples to pack very little when they traveled and to relay on him. A stretch for someone as pampered as myself. However, it is a good lesson to be learning. What is really important?

This trip will teach us many things. So far, I am learning that my hair is wavy in 90 percent humidity, that I am quite anxious over very small details, and that I have a high standard of living. In all of these things, God is teaching me that my hair is beautiful no matter the humidity, that he cares about the details so I don't have to, and that I need to give up on living the riches life. I would say these are very good lessons to learn in two days! How much more am I going to learn in 17 months!

To encourage you, I would say that you do not have to travel across the world to figure things about yourself. Sometimes, you just have to take a risk. Get out of your comfort zone and you will find out a whole lot about the heart that lives inside of you. You will learn really good things about your heart. And, you will learn some not so good things. But, the cool thing is that God works on both. Travel or no travel, you should pick up the least of your things, go out into the world with your head held high, and embrace the life before you...no matter how your hair looks! I challenge you today to ask yourself, what am I made of? If its fear, let it go! If its courage, embrace it, step out and reach for the life God is holding in front of you.

Changing Plans

Over the past several months, God has been teaching me about prayer. Recently, he showed me that he can change his plans in response to our prayers. I never used to think that way. I used to believe that we prayed but, really God made the decision. However, after my last post, I was praying fervently for a friend that was facing an upsetting circumstance in her life. I passionately prayed to God that it was not fair, that the circumstance could be moved by his power. I started to believe in my heart that God could change things. And, in those moments of my prayer, God made it clear to me that he can change his mind. He can change the circumstance.

Most of the time when I pray, I feel as though God is listening but, he has the plan already, so really what is the big deal that I am praying. However, through this experience, I learned that when I pray to God it is often like when I talk to Chris about a situation that I want him to change. I will have an idea of how things should go. Chris has an idea of how things should go. Some of the time these things are opposite of each other. However, because he loves me, he listens and is willing to change his plan based on what I share with him. Why can't this be true of God? Why is it that I think God only has one way of doing things?

So, I encourage you today, if there is something that you want God to fix, heal, restore, etc, share it with him. Don't back down. God wants you to share how you feel, what you want, what you think is right, everything really with him. And, sometimes, he hears your plea, and changes the plan.

No more suffering...for now please?

It's okay to tell God you are suffering. And, it is also okay to tell God that you want him to take away your suffering. This morning I found myself crying to God about the many trials and sufferings he has brought into my life over the past few years and months. He did not back away. He stayed with me and listened to my complaints. God does not think any less or more of you when you admit that you would like to see some joy in your life rather than pain and suffering. There is always a place for suffering in our lives but, there are times when enough is enough. And, because we love God, we can trust that we can share that with him. We do not have to be afraid to admit that we want the bleeding to stop. He knows exactly how we feel. As I was praying, I was encouraged and felt like God sometimes needs to hear from us that enough is enough. He needs to know from us that we need his help. If we just try and muscle through all that life throws at us, we miss the strength, hope, and joy that only comes from Jesus.

So, if you find yourself a little fed up today, do not back away from those feelings. Pray and let God heal your wounds. If there are many, today is a chance to say to God, take them away and replace them with joy and hope. God has plans to make us new each day. Today, is a chance for God to give you hope for a future. True, we may suffer in this life, but today I recommend asking God to free some of the space in our lives that has been filled with suffering and replace it with his life and newness. Let yourself go in your time with God. He will bring restoration, healing, and finally joy.

Trusting God

Trusting God can be so challenging. It is hard to trust in something we cannot see. I don't know about you but, whenever I am facing a new, run off a cliff kind of challenge, people usually encourage me by saying, "Trust God." However, there are times when that is nearly impossible. It is like being in an empty forest, trying to find a way out in dense fog. Your eyes just cannot see what is in front of you. But, what I am learning is that trusting in God really just means saying, "I am leaving it up to you God."

If you are anything like me, you imagine the worst and secretly hope for the best. I will think about situations months in advance and create worry in my heart over things I really have no control. This is just wrong. God wants us to be present in the here and now. He wants us to give up our future to him. Trusting and saying, "take it all" is really what he is after. This is hard because we cling to things to provide us security and assurance. We are control freaks! Ok, I am a control freak. And, God wants to break us of that habit.

So, I encourage you today, if you find yourself lacking trust, open your Bible, take a look at the life of Jesus and let it go. There is no magical formula for trusting God. It happens when we spend time listening to God, hearing his truth, and opening our hearts to him. If you are struggling to do so, do not feel like you have to force it. God is amazing and will bring you peace. We just have to push ourselves to spend time with him and let his truth sink deeply into our hearts. Trusting God is a challenge but, not so much of a challenge when we soak in his presence. It is then, that all of our cares are wiped away and our burdens are lifted. Enjoy God today. He will bring the trust you are desperately trying to find.

My Thoughts on Prayer

I have started reading an amazing book on prayer, Philip Yancey's : Prayer, What Difference does it make? This book is full of tweets; so many lines worth quoting and thinking about. I have always enjoyed prayer. However, when I was younger, I think there was a lot of self-righteousness in my prayers. I would talk about how much I loved to pray, and that everyone else should pray too. I probably made a lot of people feel uncomfortable. And, when I look back, my heart was saying, "why don't you pray as much as I do, I am more holy." But, because of God's mercy and grace, I have learned that we should never judge another person's prayer life because that is judging an intimate relationship that we have no idea about. I write to encourage you that prayer is not a transaction. Prayer is how we each have an intimate relationship with God.

Why do you pray? Do you pray because you want to see things happen? Do you pray out of desperation? Do you pray because you have to in order to be a good Christian? When we look at Jesus' life, we see the perfect example of what prayer should be in our lives. In almost every story about Jesus in the Bible, he retreats in prayer. He finds strength to undergo the crucifixion in prayer. And, while he prays for several hours, his disciples fall asleep. Jesus is the perfect example of what our prayer life should look like. Yet, we are completely human, and therefore we struggle with attention in prayer, with motivation in prayer, with giving time to prayer.

If you find yourself like I did feeling like "people just don't pray enough, people don't come to our prayer meetings, or people do not pray like I do." Please be more gracious. Please invite Jesus in your heart to heal you from that attitude. Everyone has a unique relationship with God. He is developing those relationships in his time and in his purpose. Just because someone isn't showing up to your prayer meeting, or using the same language you would use to speak with God, or even interprets the Bible in a different way than you do does not mean they care less about God or have less of a relationship with him. I recommend that we spend more time with God asking him on how to encourage prayer as a relationship rather than a transaction.

Sappy but True

So, my life is a crazy mess right now, and I love it! I have no idea where I am going to be living in two weeks. I could be here in Boston or I could be living in Singapore. I could be hanging out with good friends or making new ones. I could be speaking Bostonian or I could be speaking Singlish. We just have to wait and see. But, the best part of it all is that I have Chris.

If you ask my family, I am not sentimental. If you ask Chris, I am not romantic. However, the last few months I have been realizing that Chris is more than just a husband, he is a really great man. So, I write today to tell you how important it is to stick it out with the person you love or to find someone that you can stick it out with! No matter your situation, having a spouse that loves you and loves God even more is top notch.

People like to write marriage books and give you advice on how to attain the perfect marriage. And, well, that is silly. The truth is that a marriage has moments when you look at the person and see that this really is the best pairing. It also has moments like when you are jet-lagged from a 20 hour flight and suddenly driving the car on the LEFT side of the road, when the romance has maybe left the building. But, I tell you, if you wait a moment longer it comes back.

Finding someone to love is not easy. There are too many frogs out there in the world. And despite "Boy Meets Girl" claims for singleness until marriage, I would not really appreciate Chris if I hadn't dated a few frogs! But, my advice is think of something you cannot compromise on and find that in a person. Forget looks, forget money, forget reputation because those things can be gone in moment. Never settle for a person that doesn't look at you like you are the only person in the room. I know, I'm giving dating advice, you can laugh. But, the truth is that there really isn't anything better than finding someone to love.

In 2 weeks, I will be married to Chris for 5 years. When we first got married, I was in the grocery aisle thinking, "oh dear, this is it, picking out crackers for the rest of my life?" But, now I look back and realize how lucky I am to have someone that wants to go with me to the grocery store! Never feel like its too late to find love or to appreciate it.

I really believe that God brings people together to experience love in its rarest form. And, I am so thankful that he has given Chris to me as a gift for as long as he wills it. For you reading this, I wish you that same appreciation for your spouse or drive to find someone that will love you like this. And, when you suffer the worse sadness or experience the greatest joy, they will be there holding your hand through it all.

Are you wearing your LifeVest?

Often times, we look at our current circumstances and think, "why?" We wonder why we are going through what we are in this current moment. We cannot see the plan or the purpose behind our suffering. Usually, the result is unrest, anxiety, discontentedness. We feel neglected, abandoned, left to die. If we look at the story of Exodus in the Bible, we can see the misery and distrust that has worked its way into the hearts of the followers of Moses. They feel the way we often do when things go wrong in our lives.However, today, I write to tell you great news. You see, if their suffering was not so apparent and their way out was not as far from being seen, God's power in their lives would never have been recognized.

Your suffering is the place that God chooses to show his power over all things. The situation of those in Exodus was desolate. They had no chance. But, God proved that he could control the sea and make a way for them. The same is true for you today. God can part a sea where there is no hope. He can move mountains and tear down walls of hardened hearts. Every time we think "why?" God is there ready to answer. It is in our place of greatest humility that God can show his power.

Today, if you feel discouraged, if you feel there is no way out, I ask you to wait a few minutes longer. I ask you to pray fervently for the waters to be parted and the seas to be made calm. There is always a way out with God. There is always higher ground that he wants you to stand on. The suffering will come but, you can be assured that so will God's rescue. And, his name will then be made greater than yours.

Do you read your Bible? Really?

Today, I write on encouraging you of the importance of knowing, and living God's word in the Bible. Yesterday, at church, God used a woman to speak to me about the importance of meditating daily on God's word. When we forget, or do not feel like it, or have other things to do, we are saying to God that we do not care what he has to say to us. But rather, when we read and listen to God, we find out many things. We find out about his character, about his promises to us, about our identity in him, and about knowledge and wisdom that come only from knowing him.

I tend to find myself in the camp that promotes and organic relationship with Jesus. One that is dictated by our love for him. However, after listening to this exhortation, I am convinced that we need to schedule time for reading, studying, and meditating on God's word, daily. You see, somethings need a place of honor. Our relationship with Jesus and our Father should be booked into our schedules.

If you find yourself worried about your future, or full of unrest, I say go to God's word. Spend time reading and God will speak to you. Only through his word can we learn from God. We sometimes expect him to speak in a loud booming voice, for which he sometimes does, but often his plans, purposes are hidden in his word for us to discover. We can be sure that God is with us in our process of study and he will answer us in big ways. It is in studying his word that we can become patient with him in the process of this life he has given to us.

So, I encourage you, make time for reading God's word each day. You will see that your heart has more love for others, that your brain is no longer fuzzy about decisions, and that the Holy Spirit is alive and active in your daily life. God's word has power and purpose we must not neglect it for the ordinary things this world has to offer.

I like Boston about as much as Bacon...

I ate bacon today. Yep, pork, greasy, bacon. I know. It is such a shock to you. The truth of the matter is that I missed it. I missed something that I normally despise. How is this possible? The truth is that we don't really know what we have until it is no longer there.

I have been contemplating this as I have travelled around the world to a place I am not familiar with. Suddenly, all the things that I hate about Boston have become the things I greatly miss. I miss the sights, the smells, the yells... ok the last one is a lie. But, I do love my home in Boston. For so long, I have tried to leave. I've tried to escape being a Bostonian. Yet, I kept getting pulled back in. Lured in by the pushiness, snottiness, and hard heartedness. Yet, just like bacon, I miss it. I miss the way people talk and walk. I miss the sports! I miss the TV shows! But, most of all, I miss my church.

Please, all of you people that have fainted, get up! Yes, I miss my church. The mission in Boston is so tough. We often think, its hard to share the gospel in a place dominated by Muslim or Atheist believers in countries far away, but really it is so hard to share Jesus in Boston. It's easy to get discouraged and want to up and leave. People in Boston have been burned by religion and have no place for God because they feel like he has hurt them. It's totally understandable really. But, its a hard place to plant a church. It's a hard place to fight the good fight of faith.

I write to you today to encourage you. When you feel discouraged about sharing your faith, be encouraged because God had placed you in Boston because he thinks you have the best stuff. You have what it takes. You are the Rocky Balboa of his army. Boston is a place where God wants to heal the broken and save those who have been burned. How happy I am today to realize this! How great a cause I fight!

Boston and bacon are in the same camp for me. Every taste makes me question, "why?" Why this place? But, my realization today is that I have the stuff that it takes to get the job done. And, if you find yourself wondering, why? Why Boston? Be encouraged, you are in for the fight of your lifetime. But, if you go away, you will soon be pulled back again. Boston needs you. And, even if you share and are dismissed, share again, and again because the truth prevails and Jesus will reign in Boston because he loves this place. He loves these people.

Knitting is not for Loners!

I am so holy. I went to church, twice today! Bet, you can't beat that! Ha. Well, we checked out some pretty awesome churches today in Singapore. It was such a joy! So much joy, that tears where shed over how amazing it is that you can walk into a church around the world and feel so welcomed by others.

We often talk about church being a family, but I think you do not realize this is truly possible and happening until you leave the US. As Americans, we are not like other cultures. So far, I have shared dinner tables with people I've never met before, sat so close to people on the train that I think all Bostonians would constitute it inappropriate, and stood in line for long periods of time without anyone getting inpatient or annoyed! I know! It is a shocker. Singapore is a shock to my system. But, it is the fibrillation for my heart that I need.

Today, I heard a sermon on being "knit together in the body of Christ." I have heard that phrase a MILLION times in my church at home. I never once understood it because it was never lived out in front of me. You see, "being knit together" is not just a cool expression we can use to say, "I am your sister or brother in Christ" but in reality we only talk to that person on Sunday, on Facebook or in email. Nope, sorry but that is not what Paul meant by using the word "knit". He meant get out of your stinking house, and spend time with the people in your church! Care about them! Love them! Cook for them, sit in a cafe and talk for hours, and get to know them! We never do that in America. We go from place to place and never sit and enjoy our relationships. Starbucks and, even McDonald's, here is not a "to go" place. You will not see one person carrying around a "to go" cup. Probably, because you get fined $500 if you bring it on the subway, but you get my point. Sit, savor, and enjoy your relationships.

Friends, we need to be knit together in God if we really want to be effective. The preacher shared today that we have 10% of what God needs and the other 90% is found in other people that he wants us to work together with. The problem we have as Americans is that we think we have 95% of what God needs and maybe we will get the other 5% from someone else that we can "use." If we keep living this individualistic diseased life we will miss the whole point of the Great Commission.

If you are not a Christian, I'm sure you can agree that you haven't given church a full go because you feel disconnected. You feel like we talk about a big, awesome God, but we live a very hypocritical life. And, you are true! But, hang in there. God is bigger than the simplicity of the people you have met. The plan for you is that you will follow after God and you will have friends that are not just pushing you to go to church and leave you at the exit. No, he wants you to find Christian friends that love, support, encourage, and teach you the word of God without worrying if its Sunday morning, Tuesday mid day, or the middle of the night.

God's church is about relationships built on the word of God and love for Jesus. If you want to be by yourself, you have quite the hurdle to overcome. If you want to invite 50 friends to church on a Sunday, and forget about them the next week, you are doing it all wrong. Yep, I said it. Face it. Church is not a meeting to be blasted through in the streets with tally counts of how many people attend. Jesus and his saving grace and mercy is what is to be blasted through the streets of our neighborhoods.

Jesus' love for you and God's plan to build his believers up in his word is what being a Christan is all about. So, I urge you. Actually beg you, to stop thinking about Church as another meeting to be held and a box to be checked off. Rather think about it as a bunch of people that live lives willing to want to talk to you, love you, and share and encourage you with God's truth about Jesus' saving grace...DAILY.

Be uncomfortable. Stretch out your tent. Do things you would not normally do. I promise that the only way to be "knit together" is by tightly pinning the stitches together and if you drop a stitch, don't worry too much because God looks and sees your work as beautiful!

Just in case you needed biblical basis for my ranting, Check out Colossians 3 (The Message).

"Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way"

Addicted? Are you really?

What a journey! Chris and I arrived in Singapore last evening. It was quite the trip. You would think, 'what can you do on a plane for 20 hours?' Many things, I tell you! I did not even realize we were flying for that long. I just hope the trip back is the very similar. Well, since I had well over 20 hours to think, I did just that. I started thinking about addiction. Now, this came about because I watched many news reports on the death of Amy Winehouse. At first, I had the same reaction as most people, 'I thought that would happen.' But, then I started thinking about how tortured that thought really is. I gave up hope that she could be healed. I also pinned my self righteousness up against hers, and to my dismay, I won.

Addiction is a battle that everyone fights. In this world, we are all addicted to something or in some cases someone, which could very well be ourselves! What separates us from Amy is that were are closet addicts. Sometimes, it can be hard to see what we are addicted to. For me, I will tell you, I am addicted to vanity. I care about how I look physically and on the inside and care about it at all costs. I have suffered disorder eating, over exercising, people pleasing, and many other slave behaviors because of it. I have said yes, when I meant no. I have manipulated, lied, and cheated my way to being seen as "the perfect person." But, the reality is that my addiction has lead to broken relationships, sickness, and the exact opposite of what I was trying to achieve, identity.

Amy Winehouse may have had many addictions but, God never gave up hope. God never gives up hope that we can be healed. He looks at us and sees the way we were meant to be over the way were currently are. You are more valued than your addiction. There is nothing more powerful than God's ability to overcome our sin. He made it clear when he put an innocent man up on a cross to show you that he wants your victory. Think about what drives your day. What are you constantly thinking about? That is the thing you are addicted to. And, today, God can change your way of thinking. Today, you can repent, and be made new. Its a matter of asking.

So let's stop being slaves to things that will give us no reward. And, think and reflect on the idea that when we hold on to something so tightly, it will usually slip through our fingers. But, if we trust that God knows more than we can see, we will hold on to his love and everything else will fade in the distance.

Pray because you want to Praise

I'm still trying to figure out a few things in life. Hmm, maybe a lot of things. However, today, I was greatly encouraged by the idea that we do not have to push God to do anything. Actually, he is very active, in ways we do not see or understand. That my friends is part of having faith. Too many times I have heard that we need to seek God, press into God, or even pray our way to freedom. However, I was encouraged by a Psalm today that tells me a much more expansive story of God. The Psalm I am referring to is 113. It does not tell us that we need to do anything but praise God and think about him. I am not trying to tell you to become a passive follower of God. I know that the Bible and Jesus tell us to live lives of sharing his word, and praying without stopping. But, if you are expecting God to move by you doing stuff, you truly have it wrong.

When we pray by reflecting on God and praise him, we are then transformed and his love compells us to do things we would not imagine. But, if we are just attending prayer meetings and prayer walking without praising God from the depths of our hearts, we will show a false faith. It also shows others that we do not trust God that he is at work. Please do not fall into a trap of thinking that the more we do for God the more we will see God working. It's just not true. And, anyone that tells you that forgets the point of the gospel. The point of believing in Jesus is to have relationship with him not see cool stuff happen. Although, when we love God and we praise him, cool stuff happens. It's the chicken and the egg. But, please don't forget that God creates both the chicken and the egg. Our minds are too small sometimes and we forget that we have a God that is more powerful and more amazing that we are! Pray, and love Jesus and I promise that others will follow suit. But, never pressure people to follow God or pressure people to pray. Its not biblical and will not result in God's goodness.

Stop Making Plans

I read such encouraging things in the Bible today from Hebrews 4. I was sitting and praying to God when he prompted me to read this chapter. You see, last week, I resigned from my job as a physical therapist. Since, then, people have been asking me, "what are you going to do next?" I sit back and think, "I really do not know. I have no plans." I will tell you, I am not a person without plans. I always have plans. Plans on how to eat right, plans for marathons, plans for life goals, etc. But, I heard this soft voice from God saying, "rest, and stop making plans." And, this was further reinforced by Hebrews.

It is difficult to imagine a life without plans. I am not a person with a million 'to-do' lists. Yet, my brain is always churning on what's next. But, our God is not just a God of what's next. He is God of right now. This passage in Hebrews reminded me that God calls us today to rest in his presence. I firmly believe that is what he wants me to do with the next several months of my gracious life. So, if you think I am crazy for just quitting my job, you are right in worldly terms. Who knows where the next check will come from or if I will have enough for that race I really want to run. But, time with God is so much more important to me.

Do you ever feel like you are constantly looking for the next thing in your life? I propose to you that it is likely that you are doing this because you do not know how to rest with God. Sure, he may not say anything to you at first, but I guarantee that if you give him half a minute he will bring you peace and joy. I am not saying you need to quit your job, although you may want to consider it, but I am saying that there are seasons of work and seasons of rest in life. If you are all work and no rest, you will end up in a place that is empty and lonely.

So, I have no plans. No plans for a family, for a PR in a marathon, a five year career plan, or even plans for what the day will hold. This is entirely new to me. But, I can sense that I will be better off for it. I am excited to see what a season of rest will bring for me. But, the best part is that I will be looking in the moment and that's about it.

Missionary Adventures

Do you believe you are a missionary? Chances are that you may not feel that you are because of a sensationalist view of what other Christians tell you about being a missionary. You know, we have all received the email from a friend that has given up everything and moved to a land that we most likely would not dream of moving. We think in our hearts, wow, they are doing so much more for Jesus than I am. You know you think that. Or, you may not think that, but they may make you think that in what they write to you! But, I write to tell you today that you do not have to change a single thing about your life to be a missionary. Now, maybe you have to change a few things in your heart.

God chooses to use us all in different ways. Some, he chooses to move and serve people in other countries working within the church. Others, he chooses to move, and continue to their work. Neither option is more righteous. Let's be clear on that. Paul is a great example of this in the Bible. There were times he worked as a tent maker while planting churches. Other times, he subsisted on the moneys of others to serve the church. He did both. And in doing both, he served God.

You may be a person of great success in your company. God may choose to move you around his world. It is your choice to use these opportunities to glory him or to glorify yourself. Do not feel as though you are not doing his work because you were not sent by your church or by a missionary organization. There is a purpose when God tells you to go. Every person you meet is an opportunity for Jesus to come through. No matter in business, in church, in recreation, God can be glorified in your ministry.

I encourage you to look at your life and see your ministry at work. What are you doing? Why? Examine your heart and make sure it is for God's glory and not your own. Do not be afraid to make moves when you can hear God shifting the pieces. This life belongs to him and why not see it for what it truly is... an adventure.

Stop Texting in Church

This weekend I enjoyed some really good conversations about church. We were discussing how relevant a Sunday service is to what the Bible talks about as church. Think about what you have encountered when you have walked into a service on Sunday mornings. If you grew up Catholic, like me, you would most likely have heard the Liturgy and progressed to sharing the Eucharist or communion with songs intermixed. If you grew up Protestant, well, you may have many different experiences because there are more denominations than I think I can reasonably count. Yet, it was either like my Catholic experience, or it is a barrage of people greeting you at the door, standing and listening to songs, maybe raise your hands, and then listen to about an hour long message from a preacher hopefully, pertaining to the Bible.

I have to ask you, do you really think this is what God intends for his church? Paul likens the church to a marriage relationship when he calls the church the "bride of Christ." If we explore what that means, we discover that there is this deep relationship that God has with his church. It is a relationship where questions can be raised and answered, ideas are brought forth, and love is bursting at the seams. When you walk into your church, do you experience this relationship? If you say no, I ask you to please change something.

In our church, we have community groups. These are smaller gatherings of the church on a weeknight. Food is often shared, prayers are offered, scripture is read. This is the time when the church of the bible appears very evident to me. We can stay for as little or as long as we would like. We can cry, laugh, be extremely irrational, and no one judges us. I love my community group! We dig deep into the parts of peoples' hearts we would much rather not go. Yet, it is a genuine place. A place where no one is trying to people please, or if they are it usually does not last long. It is a place where Jesus is worshipped above all else. Yet for some reason, we think of this as less church than Sunday.

Community groups are church. Being with a fellow believer in Starbucks and discussing life and the Bible is church. Praying for a friend when you know that they are tettering on the edge is church. Church is not passive behavior. Church is not waiting for something magical to happen. Church is in the nitty gritty relationship details of life.

I liken our current American church services to text messages. Although a good, quick way to communicate, they lack the personal expression of a phone call. Stop texting at Church! Pick up the phone and dial. Dial into your relationships. Explore the hurt, the joy, the peace, the suffering. Sunday services are not only about taking. They should be mostly about honoring God, honoring one another, and growing in relationship. Let's move from passive church to active and alive church. We can do it, only if we try.