Doubting

Doubting. It's a natural human emotion when the radar goes off that something may be out of balance. We do so when we cannot visibly see the proof for the hypothesis in front of us. Unfortunately, we tend to look down on those that are in a state of doubt. We think, "why can't they just see that it will work out." Yet, we forget that maybe even just a few seconds ago, we were in a very similar state of doubt, possibly on a different subject.

We are encouraged in the bible to be people that are not tossed easily in the wind of change. However, I write today to remind you, that it also says, to have mercy on those that do doubt. We are to have grace and love when we find ourselves unsure of things and for those around us that are in the same predicament. We are not an epic failure when we find ourselves without enough faith for the day. It is this state that we can decide to either embrace and ask for help or we can just let our hearts get hardened.

So, I encourage you to really listen to the fears and doubts of those around you. It is a tangible state that really needs the help and prayer of others. We all doubt. It is only by embracing our own human condition and recognizing it in others that we can move past it.

Love takes many forms. One of the best ways we can show love for each other and for ourselves is by accepting that we will have moments of doubt and fear. When we recognize that the emotion is there, we can then see what is causing it and bring it to God in prayer. Even the most faithful, have moments of doubt.

Reader Beware: Emotional

Today, I was thinking about my mom. I was thinking about her smile, her laugh, the way she would hug me when I was upset. Thinking about her, can often make me feel sad. However, recently, when I think of her, I will start to cry and I can feel her hugging me. I can hear her voice speaking with me when I am questioning something in my life. I have no idea how this really is possible. But, I know she is still with me and I am thankful.

I have learned so much from her passing away. I have learned that every day is one worth living. I have learned that every person I see deserves my full attention. No matter the circumstances of what is happening around me, this moment is it. You see, most people would not write this for everyone to see. Rather, they would keep it hidden in their heart. But, I truly want the memory of my mom to live on forever. And, because God made her a part of me, I know that I cannot be silent.

There is pain and there is suffering in this life. But, there is a greater good in its purpose. I used to be a young girl with so many concerns and anxiety over insignificant details. Yet, because of my mom living and passing away so quickly, I have learned that those concerns can wait. What really matters is the way light flashes in Chris's eye when he sees me, or the moments I spend with Chris's family so grateful for their love in my life, or spending time with my brother and his wife, or just the fact that I can live and breath with such ease and health. You may say that those things are trivial but, I say that they are what life is all about.

I know my mom still lives, I am sure of it. And, I know that God cares that I miss her. But, the deeper part of this whole experience is that I know in my pain and loss, I have learned of such joy in this life. My children will know her laugh and spirit because thankfully they are alive inside of me. They will know her passion and drive for bringing family together because they are inside of me. But, most of all, my children will know that no matter the pain in life, there is a greater God that uses it for his glory.

I used to throw TVs

Today, thanks to Paul's letter to Titus, I really think I am going to name my first son, Titus, I learned a lot. I learned that people in this world are crazy! And, before I believed in Jesus, I was just as crazy. You see, when you become a Christian sometimes you forget that you used to be crazy. You used to sit around thinking about how awful life is and that it will never get better. You used to feel like everyone hated you and you hated them. Your words were sharp, hard, condeming. That is how life is or would be if you didn't know Jesus.

Today, I realized that Jesus has changed a lot of things about me. You can ask my brother. When we used to live together, we did not get along. We really argued and I think I even threw a TV at him, or at my parents, I can't remember. But, there you see, because of Jesus I no longer throw TVs. Thank goodness! I love my brother and I really can not imagine that I used to treat him like that. But, because of Jesus' work in my heart, things are different.

Things can be different for you too. You don't have to sit at work looking at the clock every five minutes waiting to get out because your boss is a terrible creature. No, you can really love him. Even though his behavior may stink, there is still something to love about him. And, Jesus can show you how.

Please don't think I am talking about a smiling buddy Jesus. No, I know that life really stinks sometimes. I know that stuff piles up and you want to pull your hair out. But, Jesus knows about that. Really, I mean, he died on a cross. I think we can suck up a little trauma.

My life without Jesus is full of anger and bitterness and really, I don't care because my life with Jesus is far better. He is not a bandaid. He is a solution. The only solution to our trials, tribulations and the greatest source of hope ever known. So, please figure out if your life is so great without him and if it is, go about your business but, if it stinks and you want it to change...ask him.

You can wear sweatpants to Church!

Today, after I went to church, I changed into my sweatpants to get comfy. When I went to church, I wore jeans. They are comfortable for the most part but, definitely not as comfortable as my sweatpants. The same can be true of my personality when I enter church and when I leave. I write today to challenge us to think about the person we are in church verses the person we are in our homes.

Sometimes, the person we show in church is very different from the person we are at home. It is almost like we are ashamed to show our true selves. We wouldn't show up to church in a sweatpants, we think. But, the reality is that church is the perfect place to show up in your most comfortable clothes. You see, Jesus, and our family of other Jesus believers deserves to see all of us, not just the put together piece of ourselves. We need to be at our most comfortable state in order to be most vulnerable and when we are most vulnerable then Jesus can do his work in us.

I encourage you to be yourself at church. Let it all hang out. You may disagree with me if you come from a stuffy, conservative church. You may disagree if you think there is some order to how church needs to be run. But, I tell you, Jesus hitched a ride with a tax collector, had a party with sinners, and debated this with Pharisees. Please don't be a Pharisee. If you see someone showing up in metaphorical sweatpants, don't put them down. Come along side them and embrace that they are letting loose in God's house. And, it is God's house, where anything can happen.

Racing Together

I have been so happy all week for my plans this weekend. One being that I have the day off today. That is amazing. But, the second more exciting thing is that I get to run in a half marathon with my sister, Sarah. I ran this half marathon for the first time in 2008. It isn't really an easy one. But, there I go sounding like a running snob, what half marathon is easy?!

I am really looking forward to the experience because I enjoy running with someone else. I used to laugh at all these women I would see at races that ran in groups. I scoffed at their enjoyment of talking instead of racing. However, as I have learned over the past year, God can really surprise me. He loves to transform us from mockers to full fledged followers. Running with Sarah represents a lot of things in my life. It represents that God has changed me from competitive to compassionate, from individualistic to inclusive. The joy that I get in my heart from running now is not over putting up a PR but from what an experience the race will be. We will be able to push each other, encourage one another, discuss what matters most to us, and enjoy the scenery.

Too often we go through life thinking about our plans, our tasks, our agendas. We forget that there are other people around us that when we share life with we find out what it is really about. Running with Sarah has turned into something that I could not imagine life without. It is a connection with someone that means more that the things I have to accomplish at work, or the miles I have to put in for a marathon. I learn more from our time together than I could ever on a solitary run by myself.

The joy I have for this weekend comes from a contentment with what God intended for us. He wants us to be in relationship with one another. When we share life with people, his purpose is solidified. Too often books are written about the purpose of our lives and how to get the best life now. But, the reality is that life is about forming relationships with others. When we do this, our lives our complete. Truly being open and honest with another person, enables us to find joy and peace. Now, these relationships do not always work out perfectly because the only perfect relationship we can have is with Jesus. However, when we have that connection right and the connection with others, our true purpose is identified.

So, I encourage you, look around at people. Find joy in getting to know them. Be excited for experiences that will bring you closer together. There is nothing like it. I know that Sarah and I will have a great race because we are in it together and what is sweeter than that!

Ditch the Watch!

I am reading this book on running. The premise behind the book is to run on a given day based on the way you feel. Now, you would say, isn't that how everyone runs? I would say yes, if you haven't been spending the last year checking your pace, interval splits, on a watch that is almost as big as your forearm! I used to know how to just run. I used to go outside and run like nobody's business and come home and think, "man I wonder how that went?" Yet, somewhere along the way I got lost. I started thinking that I needed to be checking every mile and every pace because that is what I was told would make me a better runner. I was told that if I ran 20 miles at 8:20 I could definately run a marathon faster than that! My life became about what my watch said and not about my insticts, my heart, my own sweat.

As I turned each page of this book, God spoke to me. He showed me that not only had I become so pressed on getting a certain time in running but it boiled over into my life. I was trudging through without paying attention to how I felt. So often, we can make decisions in life based on facts. These facts we think are all we need. If it is rational, we should do it. If we want to get promoted, we should earn a higher degree. If we want to run faster, work harder, make more friends, even tell people about God, we must push harder until all the facts are in line.

This is not entirely the case. If we forget how to live by feeling, we miss out on the joy of living. There is so much joy in leaving my watch at home and running holes in my shoes. I have no idea what I did for pace but man it sure was fun! The same is true in my life. Who cares what people think about me? Who cares if I say all the right things? Who cares if I upset a million people with my blogposts? If I'm not living, I would rather give up.

So I encourage you to look at your life with a clear lense. Are you checking your watch, making sure the facts are right? Or are you living my the seat of your pants? It is important to review the facts and make a decision based on part by them and part instinct. I pray that you would release all the things that tie you to a certain way of life and embrace a new one, one that is full of joy, peace, and contentment.

Ditch the watch...its too heavy anyways. You are great, no matter the pace, no matter the time on the clock. Your award in heaven is far greater than anything you can achieve here on earth. Look up and surrender, the result is life, a full one.

Suffering for his sake?

Whenever I need encouragement, I feel like God always reminds me to read the book of Philippians written by Paul. In this book, God speaks to Paul about suffering for the sake of Jesus. Paul then encourages people to push past their own desire for advancement and comfort and look for God's prompting in life.

Reading the first chapter, I began to think about where discontentment in life finds its origin. We have all been there. We look at our lives and think how did we get here? I was supposed to be married by 25, on my way up the career chain, and raising two beautiful children that love and respect me, all the time. We look at our failures, our hopes and dreams that were smashed, and we think, what went wrong? But, I tell you, that those dreams you had were smashed for a reason. In suffering, God teaches us so much good, if we allow him. Our knee jerk reaction is to give up on life when we suffer. We think, this is too hard to handle, there is no good in the world. We are forgetting our purpose.

Paul reminds the Philippians as I have been reminded today, that we are here on earth to live. When we are seeking our own advancement or comfort, we are missing the point. As a Christian, we are supposed to value Jesus and our life with him over comfort, pleasure, and the feeling of being liked. It is such a hard task. Yet, when we do it, it advances the gospel. You see, when people recognize that we are living for a different cause, it is contagious. If we are seeking to find our own purpose and value and life, we miss out on God's.

Today, I feel encouraged, not because I have warm and fuzzy feelings in my heart, but rather because I can see my suffering in life for God's value. Whether it be in relationships I have, or circumstances, I can tell that there is God's prompting to advance his glory here on earth in these things. My favorite thing to do is complain. I love it. And, that tells me that I have lost the value in God's charter of my life. He knows the plan behind the suffering. I have to put up the faith in order to see its value.

If you are struggling today because you look at your life and think what happened or what is happening, I challenge you to ask God to see the bigger picture. Open up Philippians and ask God to speak. It is great to be a Christian because Jesus brings comfort, joy, peace and a myriad of other blessings when we just say, "what is going on here?" Suffering brings an advancement of the gospel. If we try and fight it, we prevent others from knowing God. So if you hear me complain, remind me of this fact.

Now, I do recommend finding someone that you trust to be able to share your frustrations with. In order to get to the place where we can see suffering as good, we need to be able to voice these concerns with someone we trust. Praying for our eyes and hearts to be open to God's work is key. We cannot muster enough strength on our own to handle these sufferings. It is only through prayer, relationship with others, and God's work that it can be done.

Be encouraged today. God is at work in the good, bad, and ugly. He intends to use each situation for his glory. Find a friend to work that out with and pray like you have never prayed before.